Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
