We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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