Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
