Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
