So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
