Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
