He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
