I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
