ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
