i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
