that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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