Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
