whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
