my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
