We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
