she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
