??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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