he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
