someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
