look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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