not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
