i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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