If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
