He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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