no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
