While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
