I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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