she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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