For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
