I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
