I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
