I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
