just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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