I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
