How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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