That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
