Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Do vagina's smell?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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