Non-Jews are for practice
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
