i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
