I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
