just tell him i said nine months
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She needs sedatives and a leash
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
