and you said cock pushups were impossible
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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