Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
