he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
