Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
