xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
