I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
nutella sex= disaster
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Found your dick twin last night
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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