I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
