Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
