Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
