You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
