I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
