you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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